As I sit here breastfeeding the newest little addition to the family, trying to type this post with one hand (not a speedy task) the thought of “How on earth can I really juggle it all?!” creeps in. Between the home web-design business, which I have taken VERY little part in lately, the blog, the new baby, breastfeeding, my 2 other children who are still a very needy 1 and 2 year old, battling colds, potty training, dinners, doctor’s appointments, budgeting, trying to make time to spend with my husband, helping my sister plan her whirlwind wedding, planning and throwing a bridal shower, being a diligent child of God and setting aside time to spend with my Savior, I find myself run ragged and worn down.
My awesome mid-wife Robyn has been super helpful but I find myself consuming enough pills (all vitamins and supplements) that would make an 80 year old in failing health do a double take. The B-Complex, 5-HTP, Omega Complex, Iron Complex, Niacin, Calcium, Ester C, Multi-vitamin, Spirulina, Liquid Chlorophyll is almost a meal in and of itself especially on the days when it’s after 10 and I realize I still haven’t had breakfast. Sad to admit a quick bowl of cereal (Reese’s Puff as of late) has won out over a healthier alternative on most mornings.
Having a little bit of the baby blues hasn’t made it all easier either (Hence the addition of Niacin to my supplement regimen) but my husband recently shared a blog entry from a lady with some good advice. Write it all down. Any time she would get overwhelmed (my baby blues comes more in the form of anger than weepiness) angry, annoyed or want to scream, she grabbed her little notebook and wrote it down. Sometimes just putting it out there that you’re mad you’ve folded the same blanket umpteen times or the door to the garage didn’t latch as you closed it and walked away meaning you have to turn around and shove it closed, or the kids are just screaming for no apparent reason it’s therapeutic to put it down in writing. This way you have a catalog of things that have affected you in some way and you can see what is setting you off or causing you to break down.
For me having 2 toddlers, one who is still learning how to communicate with her limited vocabulary and one who is SUPER smart and thus bored unless I’m engaging her 100% of the time, can be the source of many of my less than perfect mommy moments. I’m not perfect, I may not even be any good at being a stay at home mom, but this is what we, my husband and I, wanted for our family. We’ve sacrificed a lot to make this a reality. One income…5 people. It’s hard. I hate that I can’t put the kids in things like dance classes or take them to a lot of mommy and me type get togethers because the cost of gas is just too high to make the trip. You adjust and accept it, but still there are sometimes that I want to throw a tantrum a la my 2 year old and kick and flail on the ground crying hysterically. But that’s part of being a grown up and a parent. You make choices that you believe will be best for your family and willingly accept the consequences of those choices. Saying no to yourself and your kids on certain things all out sucks sometimes but I can say to them with pride that while they didn’t get to do “XYZ” mommy doesn’t have to go to work outside the home just to make enough money for ballet or soccer.
So if you’re finding yourself overwhelmed by the demands of mommyhood, take a deep breath with me….we are mothers and our rewards will be easier to see in the future when it’s hard to see it now. Hindsight really is 20/20.